Case of the Ex
"Kids, usually a moral comes a the end of the story, but this one is so important I'm saying it now: never invite an ex to your wedding." How I Met Your Mother, Shelter Island, S04E05
I have to admit, I'm friends with most of my ex-boyfriends, one in particular.
I'm not talking super close BFF's, but definitely more than just facebook friends. This didn't happen overnight, of course. There were the years of bitter resentment and complete avoidance, followed by the reluctant Facebook add, which eventually lead to the occasional wall post and so forth and now we stand at a point where we'll invite each other to the bigger events (birthdays at bars etc), but won't include each other on our Christmas lists.
Anyway, without getting into it, the point is that we're friends now. Obviously not close enough friends that I knew he was getting married.
But there it was in my mailbox. A pretty, handcrafted, personalized wedding invite, with a picture of him and his smiling to be wife. I'm much prettier, but whatever. So over it.
Now, according to many TV shows, it is a huge mistake to invite exes to a wedding. Firstly there's the whole thing where he might say her name instead of yours ("I take thee Rachel...I mean Emily!" -- Ross, Friends), to the whole thing where the ex might just jump up and doesn't forever hold his/her peace and the wedding ends up breaking up because the bride runs back to her ex and they go galloping off into the sunset. This stuff happens!
I didn't know how to respond. And did this mean that now I had to invite him to my wedding out of sheer courtesy?
I asked our Facebook brides what their thoughts were and got a whole myriad of mixed responses:
"No way! We're friends, sure, but no need to make everyone uncomfortable...I would not go to his wedding if he invited me, and I'm not inviting him to mine" - Sarah, California.
"Sure! We dated so many years ago, and we're both happy now....my husband and him get along great so why not!" - Julie, Michigan.
"I think I'd invite him, but he probably won't come because I know he'd feel a little awkward." - Jessica, New York.
With so many opinions, I guess it really comes down to what you and your partner are comfortable with. My to-be husband shrugged like he didn't care, but I know that shrug. It's like the cool guy way of saying 'do whatever you want but remember that I can and will stop buying you presents'. Point taken, dear.
So, what am I doing??
I'm gracefully declining his invitation, and will not be inviting him to my own wedding. My mother will not forgive me if her book club friends didn't make the cut to my wedding, yet my ex did.
I'm interested though...If there are any brides who actually did invite the ex, please write to us and let us know how it went!!
In this post, we asked our brides-to-be this all-important etiquette question. If you have a burning wedding planning or etiquette question, please write on our Facebook Wall and hear our community's two cents!