Love Actually

If you’re like me, you’ve jumped a few steps beyond the traditional rules of waiting till marriage to move in together. In fact, you’ve probably been living together for awhile, you may even be past the quick run to the bathroom in the morning hours to put just a wee bit of make-up on before your beau wakes up. So what’s so different from life as a bride-to-be to life as a newlywed?

Romance

When my husband and I were in our pre-newlywed stage I came home nearly every night to a little gift. Some days it was my favorite Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream, other days were little sweets in reds or pink or anything heart shaped. I, in turn, would often draw him silly comics of how we met, write him little poems or learn his favorite songs on guitar to surprise him.

Three years later, we hardly ever exchange little gifts. Has our love faded? No. We are more relaxed in our skin. When I come home I can comfortably be myself. We aren’t trying to impress each other. Occasionally, I’ll come home to a little gift these days, but the real gift is knowing we are there for each other.

Saying “Yes” to Everything

Before we were married, I would always say yes to any idea or event or activity my love proposed, even if I didn’t like it. I would do it, probably have a good time or pretend to have a good time and he surely did the same for me. I just wanted to be with him and show our friends how great we were together.

After marriage, I don’t say yes to everything anymore and neither does he. We will either compromise some other arrangement or we’ll go solo. I hate soccer so he’ll go watch the game with his friends and I might go shopping with mine or have a girly day at home. We may be married but we can still be independent and it feels great. We give each other space to pursue the hobbies and interests that we don’t share and we don’t try changing ourselves to please the other person.

Decision making

When we first moved in together. We were quick to start setting up a cozy little nest. I would buy photos and choose furniture and organize dinner parties in our home without consulting with him but he was always happy to oblige. He would come over with friends to watch a show or arrive a couple hours late after meeting for a dinner with colleagues without warning and things were fine. But all these little unexpected things were slowly building a volcano of emotions and one day they exploded all over a newly purchased painting. All the little things we were looking past because they felt petty were in fact problems we needed to deal with.

Many lover’s quarrels later, we have figured it out. We need to share our lives and make decisions that will affect one another together. Even if it’s just a phone call to tell you friends are coming over, it’s not so unexpected. Sharing these things, no matter how small are truly important. I know my husband wants to be involved in decorating our home….yes, it’s true, so I involve him. He knows I don’t like last minute guests, so he warns me.

So you might ask me, if I miss life before marriage? Not at all. We can be our true self’s. We have more confidence. We love each other for who we are, without makeup and candy coated surprises every week. Our lives now are more down-to-earth; we’re not a romantic love-story on the big screen. We’re real newlyweds and there is nothing wrong with that.

Posted by Heather L.