My sister Vivienne was staying over with me for a few days. Apparently she'd gotten in a massive fight with her husband, and needed the time out to herself.
I wasn't worried. It wasn't the first fight they'd had, and it definitely wasn't the last time she would turn up my house, kick my soon-husband out of our bed and curl up with me the way we used to as teenagers.
But it did get me thinking about how I was going to manage my fights in the future. Generally speaking, it would be a lie to say we never fight. Of course we do. But every so often, we also come across the mother of all arguments, and we both storm off, harboring feelings of complete resentment. Would I, too, need to crawl into my sister's bed just to get away?
They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus...two completely different species trying to work together on Earth. I decided to (secretly) analyze relationships around me, and came up with a list of tips that seem so obvious, but we may forget to put into practice.
1. Don't be too pushy.
Women instinctively talk about their problems with their friends, to get advice, share stories of grief, or even just for gossip's sake. Men, when faced with a tough situation,uy like to solve things on their own and will retreat into their own little world. Constantly asking if something is wrong or trying to get him to talk will push him further away. Instead,ask him once and if he doesn't want to talk...let him be. Besides, you can use this time to do your nails.
2. Honesty is the best policy.
When a guy asks you what is wrong, and you say "nothing", he's going to think it's nothing. This is women's biggest flaw, to say "nothing" and expect him to know what's wrong. So if you're bothered...say so, tactfully. Or at least give him a "I'm too annoyed to talk right now...give me 5 minutes".
3. The 5 minutes that change everything.
When you feel yourself getting to that stage where you'd happily bite off your arm so you'll have something to throw up at him, take a 5 minute breather. Take a shower, have a coffee, distract yourself so you can come back to it with a new perspective. If you still feel the same, at the very least...your arm is still in tact.
4. Always be polite.
I discovered recently, that when in an argument, screaming obscenities and "shut up!" don't help the situation. Instead, opt for "Hi, sorry, can I please have a second to speak here?" Remember to keep your tone as neutral as possible. The last thing you want is to sound snappy and sarcastic.
5. Kiss and make up.
It may be over in a matter of minutes, it might take a week. Don't apologize until you really mean it. If he apologizes to you and you accept, don't bring it back up. Stubbornly holding onto anger is the worst feeling ever. Kiss and make up.
Love...it's not meant to be easy. But it's definitely worth it.
Posted by Jacqueline H.