Newlywed Roommate Rules
So, you're back from the honeymoon and it was everything that you imagined it to be! Awesome, amazing, fantastic. How can reality compare to sandy beaches and room service? Especially since it turns out you married a slob/ neat freak?
When my sister and I shared an apartment my senior year of college, I bought her a roommate checklist so that we could leave us notes about how we bothered each other. I'm bringing this up, because living with someone you care deeply about can sometimes get ugly. You're willing to say things and bring up history that you wouldn't with anyone else. A minor annoyance like a stack of unwashed dishes can be a symbol of past wrongs and hurts.
One of the things in marriage is getting a forever roommate. While disagreements are inevitable, here are some ways to minimize conflict. After reading half a dozen articles on roommates, here are five red button areas.
1. Finances
While sex is a big source of conflict, the number one reason couples fight is money. Whether you have separate or joint bank accounts, the daily division of costs should merit a conversation. This can be fairly obvious with big purchases like furniture, but can also boil down to what sort of groceries you buy. If you're both young and poor, your joint finances doesn't mean you can start splurging on filet mignonne, because the other person is a vegetarian.
2. Division of Labor
The dishes, the laundry, the bathroom toilet. While you don't have to hash out a schedule, there should be a discussion early on before tensions rise. Everyone has a different tolerance for messiness. For me, I hate dirty dishes, but don't mind clothes on the floor. Although some couples divide chores equally, it also makes sense to divide chores according to ability. Your fiance may be unable to wash dishes without breaking a few. If you do all his dishes, but he does all your laundry, this might be a good compromise.
3. Space
Everyone needs their own space. In college, it meant that sitting out in the living room when I sat up all night to type up my papers. Not only should you give your partner mental space when he or she needs it, but you should also work so that not one of your possessions dominates the space.
4. The Bedroom
If you've never lived together before, it may take a while for your sleep schedules to sync. Some things that may have been endearing when you two were dating like hitting the snooze button five times, may become highly irritating.
Your sexual compatibility may also change, which will require compassion, understanding, and effort on both sides.
5. Communication
Ever since the invention of electricity and night lighting, people have been working more and resting less. When I started off this post about marriage is like permanent roommates, it should also be much more intimate and meaningful than that. To prevent your husband from becoming this guy who live with, schedule out time for you two to continue working on your relationship.
By Sara D. who loves newlyweds.
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