Why Girls Never Go to the Loo Alone

Dedicated to all the ladies who fight the good fight, and to all the boys...because it's about time you know what really goes down...

I was at a wedding the other night, when at some stage of the night, all the girls got up and went to the restroom. I mean, all 6 of us, from a table of 12.

It started off as one girl, who innocently said "I'm going to the restroom, anyone wanna come?" She had one volunteer, but then another girl decided she'd go too, and eventually, I was the only female left on a table of testosterone, so I felt it was appropriate for me to tag along.

“Why do you girls always need to go to the restroom together?” one of the guys asked, upon our return. There was no real answer at the time, but now that I’ve had the weekend to think about it….I want to take a break from wedding-talk and answer this ageless question.

I’m fairly certain at some point in our lives, all girls have had this questions thrown at us. While we may not know the exact answer why we do this, frankly, it just seems silly to stop a perfectly good conversation just because one needs to evacuate one's bladder.

Yes, the men’s restroom serves only one purpose. The women's restroom is generally far more festive: it’s the gossip channel, the image consultancy centre, the community support over a broken heart. We're there for far more reasons than to just pee.

However, in more public places: a club, bar, wedding reception or shopping mall...there are many different reasons why girls work together and engage themselves in the loo-buddy system. Loo-buddies to women, are like wingmen to men. We need them, and they must follow a set of 5 commandments.

I came across a rather awkward situation earlier today.

I was out shopping with the husband-to-be when nature called. There was no way he was going to go into the rest room with me….so off I went. Alone.

Let me set the scene for you:

You're in a bathroom, behind 10 or so women. Another 6 are crowded around the mirror, fixing their hair and makeup. Yet another group of 4 teenagers are huddled by the hand drier, taking photos.

You notice a common theme: they are all in pairs. Chatting, fixing each other's makeup, taking photos... all in pairs. You suddenly feel like that fat kid in 8th grade at a valentine's day dance again. Alone. And that takes you to Rule #1: A loo buddy shall provide you company whilst waiting in line.

A stall frees up and you quickly run in, slamming the door shut, only to see that naturally the lock is broken. Rule #2: A loo buddy shall hold the door closed for you.

It doesn't matter. You don't want to go back into line, so you turn around to perform the standard process of laying out toilet paper on the seat...and of course, the roll is empty.

"Excuse me," you timidly knock on the stalls on either side of you "is there any toilet paper there?". No answer. Rule #3: A loo buddy will source toilet paper and pass it beneath your door.

You begin the search through your bag: you find your phone, camera, tampons, lipsticks, lip glosses, lip balms, hair pins, countless receipts, a candle (seriously?), a rogue cigarette, eye drops, an egg (really?) and finally 2 napkins from Starbucks. Hardly enough to lay on the seat so you use 1 napkin to wipe it down as best you can, and prepare your body to do 'the hover'.

You turn to put your bag on the hook, only to discover there is no hook. There is absolutely no way you'll put your bag on the floor, and you can't very well place it in your lap as you hover, so you hang it over your neck, nearly choking yourself in the process. Rule #4: A loo buddy shall hold the handbag in times of need.

As you hold up your skirt and hover meticulously over the seat, being very careful not to touch any surface, and even more careful not to trip over your own feet, the door suddenly bangs open mid-pee. You leap forward to slam the door shut, again nearly choking yourself on your bag, and dropping your other Starbucks napkin onto the floor.

You are now toilet paper-less. Again you bang on the walls of the cubicle for some paper, and again you are ignored.

Left with no toilet paper (and very little dignity), you do the only thing left to do. You shake. You shake what your mama gave you, giving the toilet seat a mini lap dance in the process, but keeping an eye firmly on the door to make sure no one will witness this.

Once thoroughly satisfied, you pull your dress back down, untangle your bag from around your neck and kick the flush button, again being careful not to topple over your feet.

You fight for a spot at the sink and wash your hands. An assistant hands you enough towel to mop up a small oil spill. Where the hell was she 5 minutes ago? You grab a few extras and pass it to the lonely looking girl in line. "You're going to need this" you say as you walk out. She smiles and accepts it gracefully. Then says 'by the way, you've tucked your dress in your underwear."

Rule #5: A loo buddy shall check that you're presentable as you leave the restroom.

You thank the lone wolf, fix yourself and walk back to your very irritated boyfriend/fiancé/husband.

"What took you so long!" he snaps, looking annoyed.

You fight the urge to snap back at them. After all, he has no idea of the battle you've just come from. Instead you smile, ready to continue the shopping day when he says:

"Hey....you've got a Starbucks napkin stuck to the bottom of your shoe."

And this....this is why girls need to travel to the loo in pairs.

Posted by Jacqueline H. who loves our Facebook Fans.