Hooray! You’re married. You just got back from your wonderful honeymoon and you’re ready to get back to the real world. While couples often get caught up in the micro managing of the wedding and honeymoon planning for months and months it’s common to overlook some important aspects of your actual relationship, decision making.
When my husband and I were in our first year of marriage. I planned our weekends and evenings without consulting him. He, on the other hand, never made plans. He isn’t a planner. I thought he was happy that I took my time to search out different venues and organize different parties for us to attend. What I discovered was that he preferred to make things up as they go, he doesn’t like to plan his days off. It took us awhile to realize that our personalities were different in this aspect but when we did it really helped to fine tune our relationship.
Newlyweds are bound to get into tough spots from time to time, some minor and some major but when it comes to decision-making, neglecting someone’s hobbies or personal time management preferences can build resentment and cause unnecessary stress.
How can you make it work?
It’s simple; don’t act like your single. You’re a team, act like a team. Ask him if he’d like to take that salsa class you were talking about when you were on your vacation to Spain before you actually sign him up for it.
Even though he hates chick flicks and you hate football doesn’t mean you should write off ever doing those things together. Your partner’s interests are important and although you don’t have to pretend to love football, you should make an attempt to like the things he likes, as should he. You may be surprised to find out that you actually enjoy some of them. Remember that it’s about spending quality time with the person you love, not about the actual activity.
With that said, don’t forget your ‘you’ time. You don’t need to do everything together. Spending a couple days a week with your best friends or even alone is healthy. You can focus on the hobbies that matter most to you. Your partner’s uniqueness is what attracted you to him in the first place so give him space to continue building himself into that interesting person you fell in love with.
Posted by Heather L.